Friday, March 24, 2017

I AM ASOCIAL (How To Be My Best Friend)

Part One of How To Be My Best Friend. Interested in signing up, huh? It's not that hard, really! Make yourself comfortable and let's get started.



First of all, let's get this out of the way. I'm asocial. Have we got this done? I'm asocial. It might not seem like it (considering how much I type, wow) but it's true. I'm asocial. In case you don't know what asocial means (or if you're confusing it with anti-social, because that's what I thought I was at first too), I'll explain it out first.


asocial

1.
not sociable or gregarious; withdrawn from society.
2.
indifferent to or averse to conforming to conventional standards of behavior.
3.
inconsiderate of others; selfish; egocentric.


antisocial

1.
unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people.
2.
antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening.
3.
opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted.

In another way to look at it, asocial is passive (withdrawing from social interaction, choosing to take thing on your own pace without concern for other people) while antisocial is active (engaging with people in a hostile manner, being difficult to socialize with but only because you make everyone around you uncomfortable).

Like I said before, I had initially thought asocial and antisocial were the same thing, but we've just hammered out how different these words are. Well then, why is that when I search up "signs that you are asocial", all I get are articles about being antisocial?? They're not the same things! Looks like somebody (read: I) will have to write a post on all the signs of being asocial.

Back to the topic. We've established what being asocial means and now I have to tell you that I really am asocial- or at least, I have frequent asocial phases. There are moments when I HATE getting push notifications on my phone (whether twitter or whatsapp or instagram) and I feel like throwing my phone at the wall and screaming because I don't want to talk to anyone- I don't want anyone to see that I've 'seen' their messages, I just want to be alone and talk to absolutely no one because just the notification that someone is in my inbox freaks me out.

Just the other day, a friend of mine messaged me and the push notification came up as "I found an article you-" and the rest of the message was cut off. I'm not joking when I tell you how my heart rate went up and I was silent cursing this person, wishing they didn't message me at all because I had instantly assumed that they had discovered my blog and all these posts I write and that they were critical about something. I spent 20 minutes worrying about it before finally opening the message to find out they're written "I found an article you might find interesting" and a link to a news website. I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that a catastrophe had been averted.

That's me online. Check out me in real life.
- Plans to go out cancelled? Guess who's celebrating.
- Begs mom to say no to going out so I can tell my friends with a straight face "my mom said no"
- Won't talk to anyone unless absolutely forced to.
- Prefers sitting in a corner rather than walking up and down a corridor or talking to other people while waiting in school.
- Need to buy something? Won't walk up to cashier and talk if there's someone else with me.
- Alone at a party? Guess who's hanging out in the bathroom until a friend arrives.


Anyway! Of course I've been told a couple of times that I need to fix myself and believe me, I've tried. It's a lot of hassle to be very honest! In an effort to appear social (mostly online), I have this weird mental calculation of conversations. It goes something like-

If they wrote eight words to me, would writing a five word answer be correct? Should I add more articles and adjectives to pull the words up to ten? Will a ten word answer be okay? Would they think I'm writing too much junk? Would writing five words mean I'm disinterested, since I summed up my answer in the minimal possible words?? Also if someone hasn't replied to me in over 24 hours, do I assume they're mad at me? Should I follow up my previous messages with another message? Would saying "hey, you there?" be passive aggressive, because they can easily see that I wrote them a ten word answer to their previous two word message? Are they ignoring me or are they busy? Maybe I shouldn't message them anything??

And in real life, there have been moments where I sit down and this really talkative person is talking to me and I'm sitting there like "if this was an english exam, I'd be able to condense the ten minutes they're constantly talking into 2 minutes... Amazing how they're stretching things out? If I listen really hard, it's like hearing white noise because most of what they're saying is spread out so much and repeated so often... I wonder how I could talk like that..."

News flash, I can't talk like that. If I repeat something over even once, I feel extremely stupid. Even if I say something like "I had a lot of fun at the park today, I walked around and it was a lot of fun!". I would mentally face palm and chide myself about repeating unnecessary information and during this whole process of lecturing myself, I go silent and the other person is like "well ok what's wrong with you"

Anyway! The point is, I'm pretty asocial. I know there are a lot of people out there in the internet who claim to be asocial too, and that's because asocial tends to be overlapped with "shy" and "introverted" (not anti-social. please remember that anti-social and asocial are two different things). However, shy people might want to go out and have fun, but lack the confidence to put themselves out there.

Asocial people don't want to go in the first place. Somebody asocial like me is busy thinking things like "ugh I have to go get ready, I have to go there and talk to people and eat in front of people, gross, it's such a hassle. I hate taking pictures, I hate having my pictures taken, I'd much rather stay in bed, can I still pretend to be sick? Can I call in sick and bail out? I'm gonna call in sick..."

You think you can't be best friends with an asocial person? Well, I'm gonna tell you how you're oh-so-very-wrong! Stay tuned for part 2.

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14 comments:

  1. Wow this is so me!
    I will only want to go out if it's a movie (because no talking. yay!) or if i'm 100% sure that it'll be fun. On some days I feel like throwing my phone away because I get so tired of cliche text conversations that are so useless and go nowhere.
    And turns out, I didn't know the difference until now :3
    So thanks for telling me!

    ~ritz
    http://theritzblog.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like a LOT of people are like this, but because there's are social expectations, people end up shunning this kind of behavior and honestly making things uncomfortable for the asocial person, like constantly calling them out on their 'loner' behavior. I don't want to be alone, but I also don't know how to socialize and you're right! Going out to movies is the best because (1) no talking and (2) after the movie, everyone's talking about the movie so you can usually say enough to keep everyone happy and also not feel like a fool yourself xD

      Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  2. I can relate!
    Sometimes I just want everyone to stop talking to me and leave me alone. A lot of people misunderstand and think that I'm shy, but that's not true..I just like to be alone, not having to deal with social interaction, a lot of the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shy implies that you want to join in but lack the confidence, asocial is not wanting to be there in the first place! And when people think you're shy, they end up doing all sorts of things to try to get you to come and join them and it just makes things so messy xD

      Thanks for reading (:

      Delete
  3. Being an asocial being and being an introvert do have similarities although they are different. But like you said, people like confusing and making everything very synonymous. That being said, I totally understand how it is. Most of the times, I'd just prefer to stay in bed rather than go out! And you could just always turn your seen status off so that the other person won't know :P

    -Kathie K
    Half A World Away

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true but like in whatsapp, you could remove the "last online" feature, but it doesn't change the fact that when you see a message, the other person will get the double blue checks Dx and they'll know that you saw the message and you aren't responding.

      Delete
    2. You can switch the double blue ticks off too! I've had them off ever since the feature was launched xD

      Delete
  4. Gosh I totally relate to this! I mean, I do enjoy spending time with friends and stuff, but if I'm 100% honest, I prefer to spend my afternoons alone in my room sitting in front of my laptop XD I used to think this was a bad thing, but now I know that it's just what I'm like and there's nothing wrong with it.
    IndigoSky x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing in wrong in preferring to spend time alone sometimes. It's not a bad thing if you've got everything balanced, honestly! And you seem to be a great job at it (:

      Delete
  5. I am not Malala. i am aliMarch 25, 2017 at 4:15 PM

    you are a med student, what you will do with your patients if you continue to be antisocial. Charging them high fee and instead of investigating their problem you will read them a blog. It would have been ok if you were in a different field. but your profession requires sympathy and empathy.
    By the way it looked that you wrote about me. i was like that but i changed myself. its not permanent condition you will change eventually :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's nice. Maybe you should share how you changed yourself so other people could benefit too.

      Delete
    2. Humm, Yeah
      1. You need to check your email address which is mentioned in this blog and reply to the mails.
      2. you don't need to reply in detail.
      3. you can reply in one liner for a start
      4. you need to start eating Chappal Kebabs
      5. you should start taking Sugarcane juice (only in disposable cup, preferably from Hyperstar, around GT road)
      6. Its better to drink two cups to boost your sugar level.( for Hyperactivity)
      7. Stop reading novels or read less
      8. Watch Quddusi Sahab ki bewa (only 1 episode)
      9. Stop Watching HUM TV.
      10. Try to visit pathan shops more and more and try to bargain alot. You may even try that at Centaurus.
      11. Start eating spicy food.

      Humm sometimes i think that Asocial is a better approach but we are living in different times. Things are complex.

      Delete
    3. Your emails are in the spam box.
      I wonder what they're doing there.

      Delete
    4. instead of wondering, you should reply.

      Delete

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